我错过了吗？

不知从哪天开始，我们不再每天chating了。只因为他工做太忙。突然发现原来我们的距离也远了，当我开始焦急的时候，我想已经来不及了吧。

每一天眐开眼睛的那一刹那，心是刺痛的。没有办法忘记那渐渐消失的甜蜜，一直后悔当初并没有很清楚的说出“我对你也有感觉的话。”当他说出：“你的想法是我的决定的时候”其时我想说的话是：“我要我们在一起，我也对你有感觉，请你给我多一点时间。” 可是我最后并没有说出那样的话。T_T
一直等待机会把话说出去。一直都不敢说，现在我还有机会吗？我已经不敢肯定了。本来还打算在他来马的时候说的，他却不能来，两次，两次的机会都没了。

爱就要大声说出来！！！
我好想这么做，可是我还有机会吗？突然间我好想哭 *T_T 。
我好想好想告诉他说我的想法，告诉了真的不行我想起码我没有遗憾吧！我只要一次机会让我把话说清楚，可是如果他已经放弃了，我还有那个机会吗？


没想到在不知觉中我或许已经错过了。。。
人为甚么总是到了尽头才痛恨自己没有努力过。

突然，好希望他可以看到这一切。。。

我回来了！

好长的一段时间我放弃了写 BLOG 也忘了有这么一回事，或许我应该继续吧。我也不想再勉强自己用英文来表达我所要说的，-切顺其自然吧！

“缘”

以前，如果有人问我对于远距离恋爱有甚么看法，我的回答是不知道。对我来说爱是甚么我也不晓得更何况是这个，我对这一切一点概念也没有。

不过五个月前， 有这么一位男生出现。他，给我的印象是很 surprise 的。因为他是我朋友的一个朋友，从来没有想过他的朋友会是甚么好东西！（哈哈！很坏吧！）而他正好跟我想象的不一样。他是有魅力的。

回想，我好想忘了第一次的感觉是甚么，不过永远忘不了他的眼神，好有杀伤力哦。印象中的印象也就只有那么两次的见面。。。

他，不是马来西亚人！

他是来自澳门，是来公干的。所以在认识他的时候我重来就没有想过我跟他会有甚么交集。但是在我们认识的第二天，他却让我朋友问我是否可以跟我做个朋友？我的回答是：“啊？不是已经做朋友了吗？（=_=!）”。朋友的回答是：“17号佳丽入选了，你，入选了。” 当时的我心跳加速，兴奋，怀疑，不敢相信，也不想接受，原因是太远了。。。可是却又想试试看，至少有feel嘛。
I think feeling is such of program, that's already set in our brain. It's contain all the requirement to a guy, a person or a friend. only the person who have meet the requirement only will send the detection to the program, then only u have the feel to him. This is what i believe.
更何况多一个朋友还不错的说法，我们有keep in touch.

从那一天开始，我们每一天都有MSN。而我就越来越期待每天放工后的时间，就像每天都有人在等我的感觉。这一次我以为可以是不用辛苦猜测对方是否喜欢我，而是可以非常肯定的说他喜欢我。他每一天都设法让我答应他或说出：“好吧，我们在一起的话。”可是理智告诉我不行，我不能接受一个只见过两次面，相处不到24小时的人当男朋友。远距离不是问题，问题是我害怕他是人还是狼。哈哈。
那时候的每一天都是甜蜜的。对我来说远距离恋爱的筹码必须是两颗心系在一起，思想与心灵是相通的，放心的。我沦陷了而我却不知道。

可是我却不知道那一份甜蜜却悄悄地离开我。。。

10:04 AM

I came in 10.04am today, that is not late ok, is SUPER late. [-__-'] Hmmmmm,Let me explain, why late...

Actually, I woke up quite early though, erhemm.. around 8:30am, then take a short bath, and I done everything on 9:10am. But, why? (sigh)B'Coz I take a looong time just in front of the mirror. I ter-shock in front of the mirror, OMG!! OMG!! my skin look so dry, my dark circle getting worst, and my skin come out a lot of small small spots.. SHIT~ !! I'm ugly. Maybe ppl will think I m too over, but which girl didn't care about their look? I'm not over, I care much of that. My mood down cause by that. I decided!! I have to put more effort on that from now.

When came to office, someone was asking me, why so late? I err.. so long , coz It quite embarrassing to tell him the truth (coz stand so long just in front of the mirror), just simply find an excuse, ooo...today sleep late (-__-').

Next day I came in early!! ...................10:01am (-__-|||) haha

Help people to achieve ‘my dreams”…

So funny, today I am helping people to achieve ‘my dreams’.

Hmm… start from Form 5, I think. Instead of become a great graphic designer; I always have a dream, I want to become a WEDDING PLANNER. [Can say that I am a dreamer, day dreamer… HAHA] When u seen a couple of lover get married, u look at them u will feel their happiness right? Cause they finally found each other. If can, I want to help them, I want to give them a great wedding and a memorable wedding, no matter rich or poor.

I never forget my dream though, even today. Just felt the more grow the dream getting far. The fact is all the dream use money. No money no talk. So, the plan has to hold it first, I told myself. Have to earn a lot a lot of money. Maybe 1 day…

Today, my friends asking me to help her design the logo and name card for her business. When I asked her, what kinds of business u do? The answer surprised me. Wedding Planner, she said. Oh god, this is my dream! I was so admire and envy at the moment. The feel so weird, I want to say “No, I can’t help you.” [I am devil!] Seems like somebody ropes my dream, I know it is a bit funny and like an idiot, but I really felt like that. Haih …

It’s ok… I will help her anyway. Maybe 1 day I also can success, my dream comes true.

'小城' 故事 [-_-]

Lunch time back late again. (went out 12:30pm came back almost 3pm -_-)

Small town, can't imagine that going a place to another place used 1 hour. Traffic terrible jam, we stuck at the center, hot weather and hungry. An uncle came out from the car to find out what happened and the others hand he keep press the horns.[-_-] Under the sun + the noisy horns + hungry, that is extremely annoyed[@_@]. We decided turn the car to another road find the shortcut way.

SHIT!!!!, we found out there was the wrong way to go, CAUSE THERE WAS ONE WAY!!! Harrrrrrrrrr~have to turn a big round, and.. and need to jam again -_-'
[WHO SO 'CLEVER' SET THE ONE WAY RULES!!! #^*&(%@#@#$%^%%$#@@#@$^&**(%#@@$%&*(^$##@....]

Arrgh~ so hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, a sound have been knocking my head and totally fainted with it.
WHAT?!! THE CAR OUT OF PETROL!!! [-__________-]
The car almost cannot move already. We have to stop at the road side to avoid the car stop at the center...and call another colleague for help. The driver (my colleague) told us, his car dun have alert light (already), to warning his car is empty petrol. [-______________________________________-lll]

Haihhhhh~ My lunch... man I am so so so hungry......................

Lost

Actually, I'm not really know how to using words to express myself. Writing blog is a difficult things to me, I always think like that. Today still is a blue-ing day. (caused I down almost since last week.) I had trying so hard to make myself more happy, but still lose. I'm getting lost in my way.

Job
smooth? not really; stable? can said that. But, I'm still hesitating about stay or leave. My status now is too stable and make me feel uncomfortable. It's seems like prove wanChing just like that. A warning came to my mind, I can't just stop my step at here for a long time. Everyone keep telling me this is a good place to learn, to stay, to grow... but, this is not my place. (Is it too greedy?)

Unconfidence
when think about all my friends' better than me, salary getting higher than me, I will look down myself. I think a lots. Is it their design better than me? Is it i have no talent on what i doing now? My value just only like that? (me KIA SU) I have lost confidence, especially on design. I always proud with my design, maybe is not the best for others, but to me is the best. But this kind of feeling, i lost it very long time ago.

Loneliness
My world getting dark recently. I see nothing in front of me, I catch nothing (I willing to catch everything, but end up is nothing). I feel cool and silence; helpless and loneliness. Finally my tears drop down, I cry. Give me five 5 seconds; I have a deep breath; I stop the tears; I laugh. (I know my heart still crying, still finding the safety place.)

Oops, too long~

Today always is a lovely day. Why? cause today is Friday, last day of the week (i means work day), and tmr i can go back hometown, and and i can see my little white (小白 my white color myvi) .. hoho!

Aahem, wat i going to write for the post today?I promise my friend won't make her "lao kui" so i must write somethings. [ :P ] I start writing the post coz i wanna make my life more 'appearance' and prove that i still alive, sounds weird. HAHA! But if one day I have to leave , at least i have left somethings at here, and ppl won't forget me. [ :S ] Not i wanna think too much, REALLY, I'm easy to forget. [-_-']

Oops, a bit out of topics, actually i wanna write about friend. [giggle]

My ex-housemate, Nicole she has told me before, we can have many kind of friends. Some only can say hi, some can share our happiness but not sadness, some can play together, some can shop together, some u think u close with but actually not, coz u didn't simply tell your things to them; and some when u in sadness or happiness they will always at your side with u, even they are far from u, u will feel their caring - THIS CALL TRUE FRIEND. I'm glad that i have 2. Have 1 true friend in our life already good enough; but, now i have 2 ... MUAHAHAHAA!!!

I had think about this, if my life dun have this 2 friends, it's become meaningless. I met them at the same place, stay in the same house before. One always help me when i need help; and another one always accompany when i was loneliness. If u ask me, which one u more close with? For me, they're can't compare, if both of them have problem, i will worry and willing to help. I felt sorry with the mistake i had make, and thanks they still with me. Honestly, no one can replace their place, Really, NO ONE and NEVER.

That day, she said sometimes she felt loneliness, and me more close with another one. I felt sad, and willing to hug her, just too far. I just wanna tell her, everyone have their value. And she has high value in my heart.. haha! (if she noe, sure scold me SONG~) Sometimes we will have unhappy things between us, coz no one is perfect, but i nv think to give up this friendship. Make her felt unsafe, I'm sorry...

Only in front of them, i not need to protect myself. No secret, can tell them wat i feel actually. Everytime I'm in sadness, i think of them, chat with them, it will getting better. If my parent is my 'BI FENG GANG' ; at outside, they also is my 'BI FENG GANG'. They stand 2nd places in my life. [ =) ]

p.s : DUN SAID ME 'PIAN XIN' o, all my friends. [giggle]